Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
