I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
