note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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