i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
