Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
