My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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