I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
