so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
