Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
