I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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