Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
