Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
