i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
