You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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