He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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