Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
