Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
