I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
