tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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