oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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