See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
