and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
