You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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