you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
