I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
