In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
