I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
