theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
