You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
