sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
