I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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