yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
