I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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