Redeem this text for a blowjob
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
