I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
