the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
