I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
