They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
