Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
