well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
