you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
