I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
