My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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