So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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