3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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