somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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