Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
