U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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