idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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