chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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