I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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