she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
