I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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